we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
