New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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