a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
