how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
