Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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