24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
