my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
