If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
