I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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