that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
