i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
