I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
