I just threw up on my dentist
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
