if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
