I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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