While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
