end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am available for nakedness
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
