What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
