oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
