I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
