Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
