Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
