...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
