i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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