I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
