She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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