I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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