dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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