We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
