Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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