Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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