He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
