My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
