my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
