when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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