I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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