does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
