I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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