idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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