I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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