and you said cock pushups were impossible
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
