You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
