No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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