You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
