She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
