Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
