Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
