She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
