We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
