I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
